Surrender - Drabble
Here is my first drabble, which is quite poor, that is a precursor to a short story I am writing. (which is coming along miserably, at the moment as you will eventually find out) However, I will not be deterred! I plan on finishing this story even if it explodes the epic fail scale! Anyway, enough motivational speaking, here's the drabble.
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Surrender
By BushMaid
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She was skating, feeling the edge of the metal skates biting into the ice. Her emotions raged and battled within her heart. I don’t want to surrender my talent! She screamed silently, knowing it was wrong. I can give you more if you serve Me with your talent. Pushing against the frozen lake, she spun, flew, flying in a tempest. She felt peace. Take it, I give it to You, she whispered, a tear leaving a frozen track on her face. The raging emotion seemed to burst out of her heart, and she skated like never before. Joy. She smiled.
I just wrote my first drabble recently as well. They're fun - telling a complete story in so few words is always a worthy challenge. I plan to do more, and I hope you'll do more, too. :)
ReplyDeleteWell, I want to read the rest of the story now. This drabble leaves me with a sense of "there should be more - there's more going on behind the scenes that wouldn't fit in 100 words." So as a hook to get me interested in the full short story, it worked. :)
One thing that struck out to me. The essence the word "surrender" spells for me is one of black, red, heat, bitterness. The essence of your drabble, from the very first sentence, is still bitter, but it's on the cold, white, sharp end. I wasn't expecting snow and ice from the title, so that made a nice contrast.
Thanks so much, Philly. I love your first drabble. :) I do intend on writing some more, hopefully they will become more formed and complete the more I write them.
ReplyDeleteHehe, I'm glad it worked well as a story hook. I've been trying to get this story to work for a while, but it wasn't gelling so I tried the drabble, thinking it would fulfill the idea in me and stop it from pestering me to write the story. :D It only made it clearer it needed to be written, so It's currently in the rough draft basket!
Thanks, Philly. I would not of thought of surrender's essence that way, and now that you say it I guess it is a bit of a contrast. Hopefully the story works out that way as well. :)