With Gratitude

Sometimes I’m the lifeboat, sometimes I’m sinking. Sometimes the shepherd, sometimes the lost sheep. But always I’m shaped by the people who love me. — Andy Gullahorn

People often wait to become something great or create something epic before making a public show of thanks. They appear in movie credits, book forwards, or speeches at significant birthdays or weddings. That’s valid. No one wants to spend every day of their life writing exhaustive lists of everyone they owe their gratitude to for everything. However in lieu of these milestone events, the opportunities to publicly honour those who have contributed to your journey are sadly few. 

I don’t like that. 

The last twelve months of my life have been phenomenal. I’ve grown so much, learnt so much, met so many people and been so blessed by them on this journey. It has been one of the most profound years of my life, and I truly feel like a different person to who I was this time in 2019. So I’m taking an insignificant moment to offer some significant people a public thankyou for their presence in my life and for the unique ways they have contributed to who I've become this year. 

In no particular order:

Sarah Carter, Michaela Mason, Elizabeth Allen, Josiah & Katrianna Hoodenpyle. You are the ones who stay. Time and space literally have no bearings on our friendship. Your faithfulness and nearness of spirit—no matter the distance—are such bulwarks in my life. You are safe places. You are always a phonecall or a text away, even if it has been months in between. I know if ever I were in a crisis, you would move heaven and earth to support me. That surety is priceless. Thankyou for your enduring love. 

Madeleine & Clayton Cowley, Bethany Bell, Hannah Alley, Rachel Bemmer. You have let me be real in ugly ways and loved me despite it. You have been voices of wisdom, a safe place for my wounded heart, and a kind spirit when I needed one. Whether you've known me for half my life or only recently, our connection has been close to kindred for me. In many ways, God has rescued me through you and I am deeply grateful for your lovingkindness and godliness. 

Lindsay & Nicole Teasdale, Julie & David Guy, Stephen & Cherie Punch, Andrew & Sue Betts, Neil & Jenny Parish. You not only invited me into your church and your homes, you invited me into your hearts. You have upheld me in prayer, held me when I’ve cried, been a steady support I can lean on, and you have loved me when I have had nothing to give in return, and that humbles me to my core. I could not have asked for better mentors and Godly examples in my life. “Thankyou” is too small a word for all I wish I could express.

James White, Glenn Coombs, Dave Tankard. The Lord used you to set me on a path I never would have found on my own. When I had countless voices in my head telling me “you can’t”, you said “you can”. The extent of your belief in me humbles me to this day, but more than that, the extent of your belief in the mission is what matters most. The way you live dedicated to the call of Christ continues to inspire and challenge me to live wholly for Him. I cherish your wisdom and knowledge so freely shared, and I am grateful also to Miriam, Leanne and Jude: your gentle support, strength of character, and quiet wisdom has been a gift to me, even just by your presence. The beauty and peace each of you carry have been so influential in my life. What incredible teams you are. I pray someday I am able to be even half as inspirational to someone as all of you have been to me. Thankyou for your faith. 

My extended family. You know who you are. You are the aunts, uncles, cousins, and cousins’ children who have shown me what family means. You show up, you travel long distances, you call, you remember birthdays, you visit, you invite, you work through hard, hard things. You keep looking forward. Your presence in my life means I have a strong foundation under my feet that tells me to keep walking, and to make a difference. You remind me life is worth living.

My brothers and sisters-in-law, Jacob & Emily, Isaac & Kate. You have invited me to be a part of your families, allowing me to be an aunty to your children and so freely given me the opportunity to love them. Don't underestimate the gift it is to my single heart to have children around me, and to have your interest in my life amidst the fullness of your own. It is so deeply appreciated. Having you all in my life is one of the brightest parts of my existence, and it’s a gift I pray I never take for granted. Thankyou for your presence. 

My siblings, Olivia, Thomas, Lily, Caleb. You make my life fun and interesting, while always challenging me to be a better person. You’ve been along for the ride with my crazy adventures, you’ve supported me, loved me at my worst, and made me laugh more than anyone else on earth. Life would simply not be as rich or as colourful without you. Thankyou for loving me. It means the world. Shoutout in particular to Olivia for being the soundboard for hours of processing/venting, the kick in the butt when I sorely needed it, the always supportive, always optimistic, always challenging, always hilarious, and always striving for excellence sister and partner in ministry. You've made me a better person simply by being you. 

Dad, thankyou for your love and your support in all that I do. Knowing you approve of the life I'm living blesses me more than you'll know. The way you continually seek out the best on my behalf, the energy you give to helping me when I need assistance with anything, and your tireless work ethic are gifts that are irreplaceable to me. Thankyou for the sacrifices you have made, and for all that you have given me. I'm undyingly grateful. 

Mum, our souls were cut from the same cloth. Words will fail to articulate my deep thankfulness for the way you have counselled me, mentored me, discipled me, mothered me, befriended me. There is no one like you on the planet, and I owe God a debt I couldn't repay—even if I lived a hundred lifetimes—for giving me you. Thankyou for the depth of your love and support, but especially, thankyou for the way you live like you believe the truth of who Christ is. May I ever follow in your footsteps of faithfulness. 

Jesus. Only you know the journey it has taken for us to get here, and where we are to go from here. You have seen me at my absolute worst, and yet you stay. In fact, you still consider me worth the cost of your life, even knowing all the ways I am weak, pathetic, needy, broken and sinful. You have carried my grief and my sorrow, you have shared my joys and delights. This year you have walked with me through the darkness of tragedy, death, sickness, pain and heartache, and even when I haven't felt you anywhere, you brought me through it into the light again. You discipline me, correct me, teach me, and help me endure hard things, yet always you love me, give me more grace and mercy than I deserve, and make me better than I am. You have suffered my anger with kindness, my secret shames and burdens of guilt you took on yourself, in the times I've forgotten you, your faithfulness has remained. You love me too well to leave me as you found me. You are a friend that is closer than a brother. No one cares for me as you do. You are worthy of all my awe, all my devotion, all my life. May I ever be found in Thee. I love you. 

There are many more names I could add to this list, and my gratefulness overflows to them also. Every kind word, every gentle rebuke, and even every hardship given for God to use as an instrument of goodness in my life I am growing more and more thankful for. It is with this deep sense of gratitude in my heart that I face the coming new year. I feel more whole than I have for a long time. I have been trained by the Lord's discipline, and by His grace, it has given me a strength and readiness to face what comes next with courage and perseverance. As I look back on the person I have been, I find myself so thankful for where God has brought me, and for the people He gave me. By His mercy, may we all be found faithful still. 

Welcome, 2021. 

I don’t know where I’m going, these dreams are all I’m holding. Take me down any road, I’m dancing in the dawn of the unknown. — Jake Scott