Archive for January 2015

Home Archive for January 2015

Isn't it love
This rain that falls
On the sinners and the saints
Isn’t it love -
This well that won’t run dry?
- Andrew Peterson

Sitting at her computer in the dark, the glow of her screen glared in her face. Yet in spite of its brightness, her gaze drifted often to watch the moon rising through the silhouetted trees outside her window. A blank document was open, and she knew she had to write, but the moon’s pale face kept beckoning her eyes to drift, much as her thoughts did back over the past year.

Memories. Dreams. Sorrows. Joys. All of them had played their parts in the last twelve months of her life. Skipping onto the stage without their cues like so many careless actors, they performed a merry dance before her eyes, and she watched on – confusedly wondering where they had come from and why they were there. What purpose had they served? The past year spread out in her imagination like a grand map, the twists and turns of her life’s journey obvious upon the page. However there were so many dead ends and question marks scattered around the narrow path that it made her wonder what purpose they served.

Trials. Lessons. Rebukes. Confessions. These dark performers had starred in the drama that was her year as well. But she wasn’t thinking about them. No – she leaned back in her chair and glanced back again to the familiar moon out her window – no, it wasn’t any of these things that occupied her mind. It was the highlight of her year she recalled to mind. It was one incident that to anyone else would have been called nothing. It was a drop of goodness in an ocean of cares and worries, hopes and dreams. It was a spark of hidden treasure in miles of sand. It was the moon in a vast universe of night. One tiny encounter.

It was her first trip. She had never been on a bus before, let alone travelled five hours all by herself on one. After the initial anxiety of working out which bus she had to switch to, and establishing just when she'd be getting off, she found to her surprise that she was quite enjoying the trip. She had a whole row of seats to herself to spread out her things on, and leaning up against the large clean window, she peered out at the wide world flying past her. Yes, she decided. She quite liked this bus trip.

An open book rested in her lap between her hands, the pages swaying slightly with the motion of travel. She had been reading it, but for now she was watching the landscape, and thinking; heart beating quietly along to the music she was listening to through earphones. The life of the man inside the book inspired her thoughts. Keith Green had become a friend to her during the hard times of that year, and reading about his life and listening to his music brought her closer to God and buoyed her on in her walk with the Lord in more ways than she could describe. Though only November, she reflected on what her year had been like so far, and all that it had entailed. Outwardly to most people, she had had a good year, and in all honesty – truly – she had. She had made new close friends, had new experiences, and had thrived in her passion for God, His people, and her gift of music. Yet for all this, inwardly, the year had been hard.

From the very beginning, her dreams and visions for her future hit her hard, and she hoped for them with an intense passion. Like a colt held back and checked by the rider’s reins, everything in her strove against the restraints of her life; desperately, unwaveringly craving the destiny God had placed in her. She had put those dreams upon people, in the hopes of relationships; in circumstances and in places, in the hopes of a change, even though all the while she wanted so much to keep her desires in God’s hands, and allow her life to be surrendered fully to His will for her. She loved fiercely, prayed fervently, and hoped long, but the pain of waiting – the hurtful silence, and the sadness of feeling lost and alone were some of the hardest valleys she had walked. So this moment of peace on a bus where she was in the middle of nowhere with not a soul she knew within a thousand miles, her weary, tired heart seemed to have come to some kind of parlay with the curveballs of life.

It was here, after trudging out of the yet another dead end, feeling worn and discouraged, that she looked up. How often God had reminded her to do that this year, and how quickly she forgot. Now when these things begin to happen, look up and lift up your heads, because your redemption draws near. (Lk. 21:28). Lifting her head, she looked out the opposite window, and her breath caught in her throat for a moment. She saw the rolling landscape stretch to the horizon, and beyond that, a fraction of the sea, contrasting dark blue against the wide expanse of the cloud-scudded sky. Andrew Peterson was singing in her ears a song that echoed the voice of God in her heart –

After all these years
I would’ve thought that all my fears
Were laid to rest
But I still get scared
And I thought that all my troubles
Would be victories by now
But I confess
That the mess is there
But Oh –
I know the work that you began
Is coming to an end someday
After all these years

Tears welled in her eyes as she surveyed the scene. Slowly the curtain she had unknowingly drawn across her heart was being pulled back; the veil being lifted. God’s beautiful presence shrouded her as she sat there, just a young woman on a bus with a book in her hands, and an infinity in her heart. The many hills, the expanse of ocean, the broad sweep of the sky – God was speaking. Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you (Jer. 31:3). This was how much she was loved, and that was only a fraction. The sheer volume of scenery that this single bus window held was only a breath of the love God had for her. A tear slid down her cheek as the song continued –

You never let go
You never let go
You led me by the hand
Into a land of green and gold
And You never let go
You never let go
Your love endures forever
Wherever I go
After all these years
That’s all that I know

Her Father’s love was with her always, no matter where this life tossed her; He was always right there, holding tight, never slacking, never failing, never letting go. She breathed in, shuddering in the immense awe of the moment. How could it be, she thought to herself – that the God that made all of that would love her more than all of that, and that He would come so close to show her. Recalling that precious and intrinsic moment of time now, maybe it was that highlight that prepared her for what was to come.

In spite of the love she spent, prayers she prayed, and dreams surrendered, all of her hopes came crumbling down around her by the end of the year. They lay scattered in the ashes, unfulfilled. Her heart was broken in places, and her destiny was even further off than it had ever been. Yet somehow, she found a strength not her own to stand again. She gathered the shards from the ground, knowing that in mercy gathered, they would be mended and made whole. She wrestled with all she had been through, and all that had and hadn’t happened. Where was God leading her? Had she imagined the hope she felt she’d been given? Just what part had God to play in all of this? She agonized over what could’ve been missed opportunities, or misunderstandings, yet God was strangely silent. It hurt, and there were tears. Yet she waited, and God was not finished.

This love God had shown her months before was working. Its rain had not ceased to fall upon this sinner and saint, and its well had not run dry; God had not ceased His giving. Through the wreckage of lost hopes and misplaced purpose, God placed people like stars in the dark of her night. They needed her, and her purpose in the present was renewed in miraculous ways. If she was not there to love these people, who would be? Her smile returned, and even though outwardly it seemed nothing had changed, she recognized that her heart had. God orchestrated new people into her life with experiences she could empathize with in ways she never imagined she ever, ever could. She could love those she never thought to be possible, could let go of what she dreamed for, and was now able to cling to the knowledge that God had better. He had a plan in all of this. His love had not failed, nor waned as the moon would on the morrow. She didn’t have to second guess the Almighty, or strive to fulfil what He had placed in her heart. It would sprout in the right timing, but until then, she would choose to bloom where she had been planted.

At the beginning, she looked upon the map of her life, and saw the predictable, because it was good. She wanted what she saw to come true, and she poured all of her hopes and prayers into that dream. Yet she never realized that that would be too easy for God to grant. Of course, He could very well have given her what was predictable, but that would’ve taken very little trust. It’s easy to rely on a person to take you somewhere when you know the road you’re travelling. It isn’t so easy to trust a person to take you to a place where you do not recognize the way. Yet living in this life, with this God inside her heart, she knew that to trust would be to dare. Could she dare to trust her God to be unpredictable with her life; to take her places where she couldn’t guess? Do you dare trust Me? He asked her, face to face. She looked across the field from where she sat with Him, a brief moment she had snatched whilst out camping. You could have a life that is predictable, but where would be the fun in that? God whispered to her soul, her heart leaping at the call. How could she pass up that adventure?

Standing in the doorway of 2015, she surveyed the past year with an exhaled breath. So much love that tangled up with hope, yet in the end, every hope she had for 2014 shattered and fell to the ground. She craved the day where there would be no more faith, and no more hope, that only Love would remain. Yet love is never wasted. The pain of it is always worth the fruit it bears. And here she was: facing the new year miraculously restored. God had made her whole. Though dreams had wrecked her, God had mended her. She had learnt. Only God knows where she is going; why try and guess the way, when you can be surprised by His goodness? Her hope was now built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness. He would not fail. His love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.

Sitting in the dark, she stared at the words she had just typed across the screen, quiet and thoughtful. She listened to the smooth voice filling her headphones –

Through it all
Through it all
My eyes are on You
And it is well
With me

What had she learned this past year? She had learned it’s possible to wrongly hope too hard for the right things. She had learnt that dreams are better kept in God’s hands than in her heart. She had learned that God loves her more than she can understand, but to keep trying anyway. She had learned to hold her sorrow high to light the world. She had learned that love is never wasted, and is meant to be spent. She had learnt how beautiful grace is in pain. She had learnt that joy can be felt no matter what she was facing. She had learnt to let go to the God who never did. She had learnt that through it all, it is well with her soul. She had learnt – yet again – that her God was good, all the time.

And she was content. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. She clutched her earphones to her head and listened to the swelling voices – it is well, it is well, it is well with my soul.

She was held. God had not let go.

He would never let go.

She was ready.

Hello, 2015.

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
1 Cor. 13:13

Isn't it amazing how fast time goes?

Even though it's clichéd, I think the cliché has been worn thin by the fact it is true: time truly does fly. It's hard to believe that for the past three months, my family and I have been preparing extensively for a huge engagement party for my brother and his fiancée, and now I look back on the big day - from several weeks ago. How did that happen? Where did all those seconds on the clock flit off to?

It was whilst I was pondering the fleetness of time's feet that it struck me how eternal God is. Looking at how fast time is going now, it is mind-boggling to think that God is at the beginning and the end of it all - seeing it all at once. That time itself is not fast for God because He is outside looking in, and yet He is ever present in every second. Both ever present and everlasting. This led me to ponder God's attributes, and when I arrived at generosity, it struck me - God is eternally generous.

What an incredible concept. Even in our finiteness, God is infinitely generous. Every single day He continues to give what He has always given. There is no end to the generosity of God, and time itself does not restrain Him. He is relentlessly generous. Every new sunrise is from Him. Every new breath. Every meal, every footstep, every word spoken. I love the way N.D. Wilson puts it in his Death by Living -

My wife and I tend to overgift to our kids at Christmas. We laugh and feel foolish when a kid is so distracted with one toy that we must force them into opening the next, or when something grand goes completely unnoticed in a corner. How consumerist, right? How crassly American.

How like God.

We are like that overwhelmed kid, not even noticing our heartbeats, not evening noticing our breathing, not even noticing that our fingertips can feel and pick things up, that pie smells like pie and that our hangnails heal and that honey-crisp apples are real and that dogs wag their tails and that awe perpetually awaits us in the sky.

Our futile struggle in time is courtesy of God's excessive giving. Sunset after sunset make it hard to remember and hold just one. Smell after smell. Laugh after laugh. A mind still thinking, a heart still beating. Imagine sticking your fingers on your pulse and thanking God every time he gave you another blood-driving, brain-powering thump. We should. And we shouldn't, because if we did, we would never do anything else with our living; we wouldn't have the time to look at or savour any of the other of our impossibillions of gifts.

In light of such generosity, you'd think we would be continually inspired and blessed by the goodness of our God, wouldn't you? Alas, more often than not, our self-centered flesh wins out.

We complain - loudly - whenever we haven't had enough sleep, yet fail to recognize we actually opened our eyes that morning.

When our bodies ache, we gripe and moan, completely oblivious to the fact we actually have bodies to bruise and strain.

The gift of words to speak - and breath to say them with - we abuse atrociously, in the way we use them to tear down, ridicule, and hurt others instead of uplifting and encouraging them.

We are often so self-absorbed that we fail to recognize God in the gifts He gives us in the beauty of every day: skies, trees, flowers, sunsets, birds, and a host of other things we take for granted.

Where God is always excessively generous, we tend to be excessively ungrateful. We treat the miracleness of all of His gifts with contempt; squandering so much of what He gives, and if we aren't doing that, we're complaining about it! And yet... in spite of our blatant wastefulness and depreciation...

He keeps giving. Eternally.

What if He stopped giving because we weren't grateful? We'd up and die on the spot. But He doesn't. The mercy and grace God has for us is so encompassing that He continues to give the millions of essential little things we could never do without despite us never being remotely grateful enough.

Right on the heels of this revelation, my eyes were opened to a frightening concept, which phrased itself as a question: how then ought we give? If this is how God gives to us, isn't this same radical, reckless way of giving be ours also?

What if we always spoke words of kindness to everyone, regardless of how well people received them, or despite whether they even deserved them?

What if we were generous with our time; to listen to people who always interrupt us, to go the extra mile on a task when it is never returned, without expecting compensation?

What if we gave money to every worthy cause that came along? What if we never feared an empty bank account, and never withheld from an asking hand?

What if we gave of our gifts and talents in order to bless those who never appreciate them? What if we were generous with our hearts when it came to relationships, to love them in spite of what they could do to us in return?

We all know the right answers to these questions, and they are so easy to say, aren't they? It's always so easy to talk about generosity, the shortness of time, and the recklessly generous lives we should be living. It's easy to talk about having a faith in God that is without borders. Shoot, just about anyone could talk up a pretty good storm about good Christian living and giving. But when the money flow gets tight, the hearts get broken, and the body takes to hurting, it's always a different story. It becomes so much harder to be reckless when you're limping; to be fearless when you've been burnt.

However does this change the truth? What would Jesus Himself say to us as we are standing there with bleeding feet, empty pockets and a hollow heart?

Remember this: he who sows sparingly and grudgingly will also reap sparingly and grudgingly, and he who sows generously that blessings may come to someone will also reap generously, and with blessings.
Let each one give as he has made up his own mind and purposed in his heart, not reluctantly or sorrowfully or under compulsion, for God loves, takes pleasure in and prizes above other things a cheerful, joyous giver whose heart is in his giving.
And God is able to make all grace: every favor and earthly blessing come to you in abundance, so that you may always and under all circumstances and whatever the need, be self-sufficient and possessing enough to require no aid or support and furnished in abundance for every good work and charitable donation.
As it is written, He scatters abroad; He gives to the poor; His deeds of justice and goodness and kindness and benevolence will go on and endure forever!
And God Who provides seed for the sower and bread for eating will also provide and multiply your resources for sowing and increase the fruits of your righteousness, which manifests itself in active goodness, kindness, and charity.
Thus you will be enriched in all things and in every way, so that you can be generous, and your generosity will bring forth thanksgiving to God. - 2 Corinthians 9:6-11 AMP

What a powerful piece of Scripture. When we come to the feet of Jesus, complaining and crying about how hard things are and how difficult it is to give, His truth remains - He is enough, and will always be enough. He has promised us that no matter how hard pressed we are, we will always be able to give, because He is enough for us. Not only that, but if we give generously from a good heart, He will give abundantly back to us.

If we truly believed we would always have enough in Christ, how would that effect our lives? Just read that passage of Scripture again. What if you and I believed that enough to live like it? To believe that wherever there was an opportunity to sow, there would be seed. That God is truly able and willing to make every favour and earthly blessing come upon us as we give without reservation. What a radical life that would be! How the devil would quake in fear; to see his scare tactics failing because we were that certain of God's faithfulness to bless us as we were obedient to Him. What a tremendous blessing we would become to the world, and a beacon of His love and mercy.

God - our awesome, eternally generous God - is more than enough for us. God goes so far beyond our need that we simply cannot comprehend it. In the ground, after we are dead and gone, we will have empty hands. But whilstever we have breath in our lungs, and a God so giving to supply every single one, we will always have something we can give. In Christ, our hands can never be anything less than full to overflowing.

So give. And it will be given unto you.

(This was a paraphrase of an offering message I gave at church a week ago from the jumble of notes I wrote down beforehand. It had inspiration from this song and Chris Tomlin's book, and from the awesomeness of N.D. Wilson, Death by Living [One & two reviews])

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